10 Ways to Irk People

 Nothing let's people know the real you than by how quickly you can irk them. We refer to these little gems as irkables in the ole' SmartDonkey Bullpen.

 

1. Smirk constantly. People hate it when you seem to know something they don’t.

2. End every statement someone makes with, “That’s what YOU think.”

3. Speak in the third person.

4. Stare at their hairline during conversations and deny you’re doing this when they ask why you’re looking there.

5. Keep forgetting their name. If it’s Rob slip in several Bobs.

6. Begin every statement with “Well I’m of the opinion…”

7. Send subtly confusing messages. Nod your head while saying “no” and shake your head while saying “yes”. (This takes practice but has a great payoff.) Knit your eyebrows together in severe confusion when it’s inappropriate to do so. Look at the wrist which doesn’t have a watch on it as if you’re checking the time.

8. Interject frequently to clarify fairly inane errata. If time is central to a person’s story then inject with questions about whether it’s AM or PM? If you think you can get away with it, ask if the story is Eastern or Pacific time. When locations are noted, continually ask questions like “That’s not the McDonald’s across from the car wash is it?” or “Is that the gas station without the diesel pump?”
9. Look for opportunities to slip in weird terms like ki-bosh, squ-doosh, blah, blah, blah, nix, peccadillo, Poops McGee, etc.(We strongly recommend you spend copious amounts of time at www.inherentlyfunny.com to arm yourself properly.)

10. Be yourself! If you’re truly a SmartDonkey many of the behaviors that make up you are naturally irritable to others. (Oh okay, 10 is kind of a copout. So here’s a good one. Laugh like crazy at your jokes but only smile in a pained way when others make funnies. They’ll come to hate you.)
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