Living the SmartDonkey Lifestyle

This is where you can put the SmartDonkey Lifestyle into actual practice. And yes, it takes practice for some. Believe it or not, there are some really kind, honest, and non-confrontational types out there. Yeah, I hear ya- yuck! So, drop what you're doing, even if it's bothering another, and read these tips until they're ingrained in your brain. Or, if you're brain isn't your strongest muscle, print the attachment below and carry it wherever you go.

There are more tips coming. Stay tuned...

-Landon Reed

Showing 5 items
SmartDonkey Tips
SmartDonkey Tips
Wear a sly smile daily. When speaking to others slap a I-know-something-you-don't look on your face. This has the immediate impact of making people worried. They want to know what you seem to know that they do not. When they inquire what's up, become remarkably innocent. "I have no idea to what you are referring." If they comment on the wry expression from before, just look angry and state, "That's how I ALWAYS look." This has the combined affect of making another worried, then confused, and finally, a tad ashamed. It's what a SmartDonkey would do. 
Always be armed with a quip. A SmartDonkey is intellectually armed at all times with a handy remark for an event. For example, if you're wife yells to you to check on a screaming child in the next room, you yell back "Hey, I'M not the kids mother!" Here's another, when someone greets you with one of those all-too-happy GOOD MORNINGS, be at the ready to point out, "THAT'S a matter YOUR opinion." 
Look for weakness. The SmartDonkey is only half listening to what people are saying to him. (Sorry ladies but this is basically a boy's world.) If someone is speaking very fast for example wait them out. When they're done, ask a question about the very first utterance. When they speed through the tale a second time, pretend to understand only the beginning part again. Eventually, they'll become completely exasperated with you. On the other hand, if someone is speaking slowly and dragging a tale along, then interject with as many questions as you can at each point of the story. Trust us, this works remarkably well. People eventually get ticked off, realize their tale is too long, or think you're the moron and move along. Speech patterns are another area where weakness is found and exploited. When an individual uses a word such as “like” repeatedly, begin putting fingers in the air to keep count. Be sure to be out of reach of a punch when you share what you've been focusing on.  
Increase Membership: Wake up disgruntled, dishelved, and desperate to make everyone else around you join your sad little club. When you get your fellow people ticked off it makes your life seem pretty darned good in comparison. 
Double entendres are what make life worth living: This is simply a staple of the SmartDonkey Lifestyle. You must continually monitor conversations for words or phrases that can readily be reinterpreted. For example, if someone uses the phrase "tongue in cheek" you need to be ready to interrupt with "Which cheek?" or "Eeeew, gross!"  
Showing 5 items
Landon Reed,
Feb 5, 2009, 3:02 PM